LIVING WITH REGRET

“ I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done. ”- Lucille Ball

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LIVING WITH REGRET 

My heart is racing, the bullet is burning inside of me as my mind speeds up. I can’t believe I’m going out like this. Laying on the floor I look up to the ceiling. The ceiling fan spins while my favorite song plays in the background. For once I couldn’t feel a word as Whitney sings. The only thing loud was the voices in my head. Mom I’m sorry I let you down. You wanted grandkids but I wasn’t ready. I love kids just as you but I knew I owed them more. I owe them a life I always wanted. Pop I can hear you telling me to get up. You were mostly cold to me but yet you believed in me when I least expected it. I could feel my heart slowing down right before I see your face. I wanted to marry you but it wasn’t our time. You stopped being the woman I first laid eyes on. I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. You wanted perfection and I wanted you. Our pride split us apart and yet you still haunt me til this day. I couldn’t sacrifice me to get to you. Crawling on this cold floor holding my stomach, I can’t tell what hurts more, leaving without saying goodbye or never trying to make things right .

You was my closest friend. I thought you would stick closer than a brother. We did everything together. I remember showing you how to drive after I got my license. We had each other’s back. Thanksgiving time you always had a plate at my table. We got older and things fell apart. I could no longer ignore the obvious. I was competing with them while you was competing with me. I guarded your front while you attacked me from behind. I was blind because I chose to be. I’m ready to give up. It’s ironic that I leave covered in my own blood just as I entered this world. My mind finally gets quiet. I can feel it getting close. My leg begins to shake as the sound of the phone rings in my pocket. Who the hell keeps calling me? I reach down in my pocket to discover it’s you. I haven’t spoken to you in a while. Last we spoke I hung up on you. You hurt me more than you will ever know. I thought family sticks together no matter what. You would choose everyone over me when I needed you the most.

I can’t answer your call now. The room is beginning to spin. It’s too late. Or is it? They say before you go your life flashes before your eyes. Right now the picture isn’t clear enough. I don’t want to see it. Why was I even here? Was it only to fail and disappoint everyone around me? What if I was a doctor or a lawyer instead? Would you love me then? Maybe if I shut my eyes then I wont have to see my life pass me by. I’ll just lay here and think about the good times and the smiles I got instead. Yes, I’m taking the easy way out for once in my life. I hear your voice say hello one last time. It’s been so long since I heard from you and you said; “Hey bro, I know it’s been a while but a lot has changed for me and I want you to know that I love...”



These short stories are created by me and are not targeted at anyone in particular. -Hertz

I hope you enjoyed my story and if so leave a comment below and tell me what you think.